《麦子》77期／文：Michelle
In the days leading up to a national camp that I had signed up for, I felt a stinging pain in my abdomen. I thought I could endure it despite the three days of physical activities; however, hours before the camp, a headache and the stinging pain left me no other choice but to check myself into the hospital.
Propping myself up on the patient bed after taking my medication, the fear of my possible diagnosis started settling in. If it was appendicitis, a surgery might be necessary, but what if it turns out to be a malignant tumour? The prospect of the latter should have horrified me, but I knew that whatever the outcome was, the Lord will forever be with me and my praise to Him should never cease. This revelation, feeling, peace, or perhaps a mere thought has comforted me tremendously.
Having missed the camp and an event that caused me to lose the award I was working on tirelessly left a void in me. Not only were all the time and care taken towards preparing the reports futile, but I was also the only one amongst my friends who did not receive her award. Feeling left out and unsatisfied, I ranted to God and said: if only I had not fallen ill!
Yet, I realised that I had gained some things that others had not. Through my experience, I was able to finally understand why nurses are called “白衣天使” and I was able to peek at the nurses’ and doctors’ life of whom, after my experience in the hospital, had caused me to harbour a deep respect for. I have also experienced the love and care of those people around me that I had failed to realise previously and the list still goes on…
Would I have traded any of these for the award? Conflicted as I am to believe that being ill was a part of God’s will, my answer, till this day, has never settled well. For someone who used to fear death, God may have wanted to help me overcome my fear of it through this experience. Or could He have wanted to remind me that the pursuit of material things will forever be futile (Matthew 6:19-20)? Perhaps, He wanted me to stop asking “why?” and focus more on the present.
Reflection upon reflection, questions upon questions, and grace upon grace.
There are many lessons to learn, reminders to be reminded of and things to be grateful for in times of adversity. The situation now may not be in our favour, but only the Author knows how to write the plot in the best way possible!
May this be a reminder for all of us to find peace in God, to thank Him, and to trust in Him in all the rain and sunshine we encounter.