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Picture a defiant rebellious child, even with the knowledge of finding comfort and her identity in her one and only Father, she elopes away with the lollipops of the world, fully aware that they cannot pacify her deepest yearnings, and would moreover, do her no good but harm. However, she has come to know, just very recently in fact, that…

1. She is but a dust in the Lord’s creation, that the main character of this whole life isn’t her but God, and so God is to be glorified in all.
2. Then when sin entered because we chose to disobey and to give way to temptation by manipulating the gift of the divine freedom of choice, God was the one who reconciled our relationship.
3. The only reason she is living this very moment, she realised, is by the grace of God, and she hopes this realisation would continue to be real to her as she struggles (just like Jacob struggled in his wrestle with the angel) to continue to understand the Bible and to apply it in her life.

Yes, too many countless times, I worry because I don’t know what to do and how to go about my situation – I led a sloppy Christian life (would I still call myself a “Christian”?): I distanced myself from God, I didn’t read the Bible for many months, I didn’t do my devotions, I didn’t pray much, at most I muttered a few mumbles of what I wanted and that was it. Yes, I went to service and attended fellowships, but perhaps I only went for the sake of going and to maintain the good impression of myself in others’ perspective. But even till now, I still lead a sloppy Christian life.

However :

  • I need to know God more and rely on Him more to strengthen my wavering faith.
  • I need to know God because if I don’t, I get carried away with the worries and excitements of the world.
  • Apart from that, how would I tell someone about God if I do not know Him myself?

My current spiritual life : 
Devotion and prayer at 6am-6.30am daily, meditating a verse in the noon, prayer and a small devotion before I sleep daily.

My prayer request :

  • For the world, the churches, and myself to be on the side of the Lord.
  • For my discipline, my disbelief, for a Godly time management, for my fixation on God and Him alone.